Denominational Light Bulb Jokes
(Take this with a smile, it's not meant to insult anyone. We all
need to laugh at ourselves from time-to-time. We presbyterians are still
waiting to hear back from the committee our elders appointed about what
our answer should be -jw)
- How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
- Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
Five. One to change the bulb and four to bind the spirit of darkness in
- How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the
instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.
- How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
- No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
- How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
- Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of
- How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
- One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
- How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
- Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of
light would slip.
- How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
- At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light
bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light
bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who
might use other forms of light.
- How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. They always use candles.
- How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light bulb?
- One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
- How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
- Ten. One to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they
liked the old one better.
Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements. One to pour the
sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old light bulb.
- How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to
approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
- How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
- About 16,000,000. However, they are badly divided over whether changing
the bulb is a fundamental need or not.
- How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
- Two. One to change the bulb. Another to replace the new with the old
after shaking it and finding it can be revived with a second blessing.
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting
- How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?
- Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to organize a covered
dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.
- How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
- There is some question here. But we have it on good authority that they
have appointed a committee to study the issue and report back at their
We read that we are to so fear and love God that we
cannot by our own effort or understanding comprehend the replacement of
an electromagnetic photon source. It is, rather by faith, NOT by our
efforts (effected toward the failed worldly incandescence), that we
truly see, and that our own works cannot fully justify us in the
presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, it is still dark.
None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
- How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
- What's a light bulb?
- How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
- Five. One man to change bulb & four wives to tell him how to do it.
- How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
- How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
- 300. 12 to sit on the Board which appoints the Nominating and Personnel
Committee. 5 to sit on the Nominating and Personnel Committee, which
appoints the House Committee. 8 to sit on the House Committee, which
appoints the Light Bulb changing committee. 4 to sit on the Light Bulb
Changing Committee, which chooses who will screw in the Light
Bulb--those 4 then give their own opinion of "screwing in methods" while
the one actually does the installation. After completion it takes 100
individuals to complain about the method of installation and another 177
to debate the ecological impact of using the light bulb at all.
- How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
- We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need
for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a
light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem
or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light
bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service,
in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including
incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of
which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you
are loved --you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church
wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice
and a covered dish.