Signs You've Had Too Much of the 90s (B)

You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?"
Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your email buddies via a Web page.
Your daughter just bought on CD all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.
Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you paid.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.
You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire.
Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.
Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
You're already late on the assignment you just got.
There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
Vacation time is something you roll over to next year.
Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WORKED THERE is leaving.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

AND THE CLINCHERS ARE

You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person. [SO?!?!?]
You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends you send jokes to" e-mail group.
It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.

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Last Updated: November 15, 1999